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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Pink News/Business. Pink. (2012) Musician Pink. New. (CC)




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Romney 9, Us 7, Obama 5, Da 4, La 2, At&t 2, America 2, Jon Stewart 2, Jimmy Carter 2, Hannity 2, New York 1, Dell 1, L.p. 1, Ge 1, Onyango Obama 1, Acutely 1, Exxonmobil 1, Asshole Cove 1, Mr. Hannity 1, Calvin Coolio 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Daily Show With Jon Stewart    Pink  News/Business. Pink.   
   (2012) Musician Pink. New. (CC)  

    September 19, 2012
    11:00 - 11:30pm PDT  

- what the [bleep]? - aw, my mama so poor, she walks down the road with one shoe. and if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, "no, i found one." [crying] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, we are very, very, very excited. pink is going to be joining us here tonight to perform her new song. let's begin tonight with the presidency. i think if there's one thing everyone can agree on in the
entire country, it's that barack obama is... >> the worst president we've had in my lifetime. >> he's the worst president. >> the absolute worst president. >> the worst president in history. >> >> jon: exactly. onyango obama is objectively the worst president in history. and that includes our 30th president, calvin coolio. [laughter] that's when america has descended into a bit of a gangsta's paradise. [laughter] anyway, obama's place as the worst president in history explains why he is getting so crushed. >> president obama is leading mitt romney nationally by five points among likely voters. >> jon: with support. crushed with support. [laughter] well, romney's inability to trounce history's worst president was all scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which as you know involves mr. romney taking a paperclip and putting it into a hole.
i don't want to talk about it. [laughter] brings back memories of when i used to have to reboot ref men at the genius bar. [laughter] unfortunately romney's reboot was thrown off just a tad. >> 47% of the people will vote for the president no matter what, who are dependent upon government, who believe they're victims, who believe they're entitled to health care, to food, to housing to, you name it. >> jon: entitled to food. [laughter] medicine. roofs. the republican candid for the presidency seemingly characterizing a broad swath of americans that include veteran, the elderly, the working poor and much of the middle class as a bunch of lazy freeloaders. it touched off a firestone everywhere, but nowhere more acutely at romney campaign headquarters.
[laughter] where it triggered something i like to call "chaos on bullshit mountain." [cheering and applause] that's an exploding bullshit dust you've all heard so much about. in the 48 hours since the romney video first gained wide exposure, turd containment crews have been working overtime on bullshit mountain. >> keep in mind it was post-ed by a left wing web site. >> "mother jones" put this tame out. >> "mother jones," the magazine no one reads. >> even word that jimmy carter's grandson might have played an instrumental role in getting this video... >> jon: oh, my god, your campaign got blown up by jimmy carter's grandson? oh, the habitat for humanity.
[laughter] so word one from bullshit mountain is, well, yeah, he said it, but you only found out about it because of people that are... we don't like. [laughter] what's word two? >> the way he said it, it was not the best way of saying something like this. >> he confused a lot of things. he messed up in that. >> it's not the most ideal language to be eavesdropped on. >> he wasn't criticizing them. he said the american dream should be open to everybody. >> jon: you're looking and hearing the con descending words he was saying, not the aspirational, optimistic message he in retrospect should have been meaning. it's like romney jazz, it's the word you don't hear that's the... so in inartful words from a dubious source. [applause] this is really just inartful words from a dubious source. oh, and one other thing.
>> this is factually accurate, what romney is saying. >> if i've governor romney, i run with this all day long. >> it was the truth. >> he's a boss that says the truth, but the truth often hurts. i think this will be seen as a win for romney. [laughter] >> jon: let me sum up the message from bullshit mountain, if i may. this inartfully stated dirty liberal smear is a truthful expression of mitt romney's political philosophy and it is a winner. [laughter] let me tell you something, you don't summit bullshit mountain unless you know your way around a turd or two. this very popular, definitely effective winning political argument that romney's making... >> it's anotherrerfect distraction from the 14% unemployment, instead of talking about the major issues of the day, like $6 trillion in debt and the middle east is burning. instead we're sitting around going, did romney insult the country or not. >> you can't actually discuss
serious issues today on the campaign. you have the move on the secretly recorded videos. >> jon: you just want the talk about real issues, so have at it. >> a new recording surfaces, this time it's president obama who gets caught. >> it's president obama's turn to be haunted by something he said once upon a time. >> jon: are there no rules on bullshit mountain? [laughter] i mean, i expect this kind of behavior from people living at asshole cove, but not... so recorded videos are a distraction. here's one from obama. the obama video is pertinent, but the romney video is a distraction. why? >> it features governor romney speaking to supporters at a fund-raiser way back in may. >> jon: oh, this video is from way back in may, may, oh, my god, that was like before june. [laughter] who even remembers may. grandfather, may i sit on your knee and here you telltale of
what life was like way back in may? [laughter] well, kiddy, hold on now. i remember it like it was yesterday. the iphone 5 was but a glimmer in the iphone 4s's eye. it was an incredible time. now in hannity's defense, four months is typically enough time for romney to radically change his position. by the way, what about this new very pertinent video of obama that fox has made hay of all day, when was that video recorded? >> 1998. >> jon: my god! that's more than 14 mays ago. [laughter] look, obviously bullshit mountain has many, i guess you would say peaks and valley, nooks and crannies.
you all know what bullshit looks like. look, why am i telling you people. let's drill down to the core of this thing. >> tonight it is romney unplugged as the g.o.p. presidential nominee delivers his sharpest critique of president obama and the entitlement society that he enables according to the census bureau. in 2011, 49% of americans lived in a households where at least one person received a government handout. >> this is the consider of bullshit mountain. the 49% entitlement society obama enables. that is the core of the bullshit nation fiction that somehow only since obama, the half of americans who love this country and work hard and are good, have had the fruits of their labor seized and handed over to the half of this nation that is lazy and dependent and the opposite of good. i'm sure there's a better term for that. in that 49%, hannity is including those on social
security and medicare, or as i like the call them, his audience. demographic tv audience slam. but perhaps mr. hannity is understating the problem, for there are many more of those to be government dole than even his 49% accounts for. like those welfare queens at exxonmobil, at&t, ge, 250 corporation that from 2008 to 2010 got nearly a quarter trillion in federal tax subsidies, although to be fair, at least exxonmobil and at&t give us back cheap gas and reliable cell phone service. [cheering and applause] or how about this, here's one, the wall street firms who were given access to the discount borrowing window at the nerve. or the $5 billion in direct federal payments to americans moocher farmers, or the incredible tax breaks the government gives the investor class, whose money is taxed at a
capital gains rate of 15%. as opposed to ordinary having a job income, which can be taxed up to 35%. boy, i wish we had a poster boy for that element of the mooch-ocracy. oh, right. [laughter] in 2010... [cheering and applause] in 2010, governor romney had an adjusted gross income of $21.6 million yet paid only $3 million in federal income tax or 13.9%. without the preferential investor tax code, romney wound have paid $ 7.56 million, a government subsidy of $4.5 million, or the put that absolutely fair tax break given to a job creator in moocher class dependency terms, enough food stamps to feed mr. rom through the year 4870. by the way, that's no bullshit, that's the math.
the biggest problem with the denizens... [applause] the biggest problem... the biggest problem with the denizens of bullshit mountain is they act like their shit don't stink. if they have success, they built it. if they failed, the government ruined it for them. if they get a break, they deserve it. if you get a break, it's a handout and an entitlement. it's a baffling, willfully blind, cognitive dissidents best summed up by their head coach. >> in what is perhaps my favorite sound bite of all time... >> i've been on food stamps and welfare. anybody help me out? no. >> jon: we'll be right back. >> jon: welcome back.
the general election season is once again upon us in all its terrible glory, but will this time be different? will we find a way to engage in a substantive, yet respectful conversation about the future of our republic, or not? [laughter] reporting from the recent conventions, "the daily show," best [bleeped] news team on television, offers this clue. >> with the conventions over, the presidential race has officially begun, which means for next seven weeks brace yourselves for a whole lot of this. >> when the tide of national debt rises... >> she passed away in 22 days.
>> if he win, we lose. >> but when we talked to dell combats in tampa and charlotte, we saw a real desire to rise above all the vitriol. >> we need to put the success of our country before politics, before money and before party. >> we do need to stop the political bickering. >> we have to recognize our similarities and focus on the similarities rather than our differences. >> exactly. and they already agree on one important thing. >> this is the most negative campaign i've ever seen. i've been doing this for 25 years. >> it's downright nasty. >> there's a lot of blame going around. >> who is to blame? >> the republicans. >> i think it's the democrats' fault. >> the republicans' fault. >> do you think there is too much finger-pointing going on? >> most definitely. >> with would you blame? >> the democrats. >> you turn tv on, and it's nothing but negative. >> who is to blame for all that negativity. here it comes. >> the republican party and fox news. >> there it is. >> there's a real thirst on both
sides to elevate the tone of the campaign and respect those who hold a different view. >> they're a bunch of terrorist, a bunch of republicans. >> what do you think of all the name-calling going on? >> really the american people are turned off by it. >> don't like rush limbaugh, fox news, anything. >> on the other side you have rachel mad cow on mslgbtv. >> the democrats are whiners. >> we they lost the house, we took their binky. >> they're behaving like toddlers. they want only the toys in their sand box for them. >> why is everybody... [babbling], in fact, it's like that. >> clearly the negativity has to stop, and it has to stop now. >> republicans, stop the finger-pointing. talk about the issues. let's stop the negative campaigning. >> stop that finger-pointing. >> stop it. >> stop it! >> seriously, stop the [bleeped] finger pointing. >> stop that damn
finger-pointing. i mean it. >> what is the matter with you? stop it. >> what's the matter with you, romney and ryan? >> how are you not seeing this? >> how are you not seeing how bad it is for all of us in america. >> let's not copy us. do it right. >> are republicans and democrats equivalent? of course not, but until november, are they both likely to be incredibly frustrating,
[cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, a grammy-winning artist. her new album is called "the truth about love." ladies and gentlemen, performing "blow me one last kiss" from that new album, please welcome pink. ♪ white knuckles and sweaty palms from haning on too tight ♪ clench of jaw i've got another headache again tonight
♪ eyes on fire eyes on fire and the burn from all the tears ♪ i've been crying i've been crying i've been dying over you ♪ tie a knot in the rope ♪ trying to hold trying to hold ♪ but there's nothing to grab so i let go ♪ i think i've finally had enough ♪ i think i maybe think too much i think this might be it for us blow me one last kiss ♪ you think i'm just too serious i think you're full of shit ♪ my head is spinning so blow me one last kiss ♪ just when i think it can't get worse ♪ i had a shit day no ♪ you had a shit day no ♪ we've had a shit day no ♪ i think that life's too short for this ♪ i'll pack my ignorance and bliss ♪ i think i've had enough of this blow me one last kiss ♪ i won't miss all of the fighting
that we always did ♪ take it in i mean what i say when i say there is nothing left ♪ no more sick whiskey-[bleeped] no more battles for me ♪ you'll be calling a trick cause you'll no longer sleep ♪ i'll dress nice i'll look good i'll go dancing alone ♪ i'll laugh i'll get drunk i'll take somebody home ♪ i think i've finally had enough ♪ i think i maybe think too much ♪ i think this might be it for us blow me one last kiss ♪ you think i'm just too serious i think you're full of shit ♪ my head is spinning so blow me one last kiss ♪ just when it can't get worse i had a shit day no ♪ you had a shit day no ♪ we've had a shit day no ♪ i think that life's too short for this ♪ i'll pack my ignorance and bliss ♪ i think i've had enough of
this ♪ blow me one last kiss la, la, la, da, da ♪ blow me one last kiss blow me one last kiss i will do what i please ♪ anything that i want i will breathe i won't breathe ♪ i won't worry at all you will pay for your sins you'll be sorry my dear ♪ all the lies all the wise will be crystal clear ♪ i think i've finally had enough ♪ i think i maybe think too much i think this might be it for us ♪ blow me one last kiss ♪ you think i'm just too serious i think you're full of it ♪ my head is spinning so blow me one last kiss ♪ just when it can't get worse i had a shit day no ♪ you had a shit day no
♪ we've had a shit day no ♪ i think that life's too short for this ♪ i'll pack my ignorance and bliss ♪ i think i've had enough of this ♪ blow me one last kiss la, la, la, da, da blow me one last kiss ♪ [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back,
everybody. we're here with pink. first of all, thank you very much, both you and the whole band that. was incredible. >> it's our pleasure. thanks for having us. we love the shit out of you.
>> jon: that's what i'm here for. [cheering and applause] you know, i've always said if i could justified some people to love the shit out of me, i'd be a happy, happy man. now, this thing, so the new album came out yesterday. i should say dropped yesterday. that's a music term. i don't want the blow your mind, but dropped yesterday. so kids can pick up the l.p., is that the wrong word? >> yep, that's not it. >> the wax disc, is cylinder? i think it's going to be number one, a smash hit. i've been listening to this thing, smash hit. just the consistency. how many albums is this now? >> this is the sixth studio album. >> jon: incredible. >> i'm like a rash. you can't get rid of me. >> jon: stop it. can't believe i got the [bleeped] kicked out of me by a rash. how did this degenerate? this is a classy program. the c.d., the truth about love, on sale now. you got to get this. and they're go